Love as the Heart of Knowing

More and more, I am convinced that we can only know others in their wonder and possibility when we see, hear, and experience them through love, particularly the love of God for them which we can experience and extend.

Love which flows from God’s love makes possible a kind of love knowledge which is deeper, along with an acceptance which is wider and more genuine acceptance. Such knowledge and acceptance come to life in us as we pray for the capacity to imagine—to image—how God sees, hears, and feels about them.

Such love takes the time to find out who they really are: what they think and believe, what they question and doubt, what puzzles and perplexes them, what delights and enlivens them, where they’ve been, what’s happened to them, where they think they’re going and what it means to them.

Love takes the time to imagine what it is like to be them, and so love asks: What was it like to grow up in their home, at that time, and in that place?  How much laughter did she hear? How much screaming did he endure? Who helped him? Who hurt him? Who believed in her? Who put her down and held her back? What did he learn about how to handle failure and success? What did she learn about being herself, being strong, and being accepted?

Did she learn to rest in the arms of a loving God? Or to run from the reach of a vengeful God?  What makes her heart sing? What makes it break? What opens his spirit? What shuts it down? What is it like to live in his mind and heart? What voices does she hear when she is alone and vulnerable? What do they say to her? What is it like to see the world through his eyes? How much light does he see? How thick and dark are the shadows around him? Is she growing stronger and more confident, or more tentative and uncertain? Is he on the way to his dreams, or has he lost his way?

Love sees them as they are, their potential and possibility, and their limits and frustrations. Love welcomes them into a refuge of rest, a shelter of understanding, and a haven of encouragement. Love celebrates their successes gladly and holds their failures tenderly.

And, love listens. Swiss physician Paul Tournier was right when he said, “No one can develop freely in this world and find a full life without feeling understood by at least one person. It is impossible to overemphasize the immense need humans have to be really listened to, to be taken seriously, to be understood.”

Listening, receptively and responsively, is among love’s most generous gifts. It is a fine art of the soul and a healing balm of the spirit.

Pastoral Counselor Wayne Oates used to say that he hadn’t witnessed a healing by the “laying on of hands” but that he had often experienced others’ being healed by the “laying on of ears.” Such restorative listening is a powerful way we are graced to love one another with God’s love.