Lately, I’ve been stunned into an uneasy silence. I haven’t known what to say about the last days of Barack Obama’s presidency and the beginning of Donald Trump’s. Even if I could find words to express what I think and feel, I’m under no illusion that what I would say would be insightful or helpful.
Other people spend most of their waking lives thinking about and writing about this strange moment in our nation’s history. I’ve mentioned before some of the people whose words anchor and order my thoughts: Eugene Robinson, E. J. Dionne, David Brooks, Marilynne Robinson, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Jon Meacham, and Eddie Glaude, Jr. to anchor and order my thoughts. I don’t have anything worthwhile to add to what they’ve said.
However, it has seemed trivial to write about anything else against the backdrop of Trump’s Twitter attacks on Congressman John Lewis, of Dr. King’s Birthday, of Trump’s inauguration, and of the extraordinary women’s marches in Washington, D. C., across the nation, and around the world.
Reality abounds with irony. George Orwell’s 1984, with its incisive send-up of doublespeak, is a bestseller (again) just as we’re hearing about “alternative facts.” NBC is recognizing Tom Brokaw’s remarkable fifty-year career as journalist in the same week that one of Mr. Trump’s advisors told the press to “shut up and listen.” Mary Tyler Moore, whose comedy helped many people laugh their way past narrow views about the roles of women, died just as far too many of us have become uptight and grim. Such rich irony doesn’t need anything from me other than simple acknowledgment.
I seem to have developed a case of emotional and spiritual laryngitis. For years—almost four decades—I carefully considered almost every word I said or wrote. As a pastor, I was always weighing how far and how quickly I could stretch a congregation without snapping the threads which wove it together and how I could challenge people without generating so much resistance that they would no longer listen to anything I had to say. I tried to speak the truth in love without diluting the truth or failing to love. I practiced a version of Emily Dickinson’s “telling it slant,” trying to subvert “the powers that be.”
I’ve lost that pastoral voice, but it’s not because I no longer know “how” to speak in those ways. It’s because I’m no longer in an ongoing conversation with a particular congregation. Since I do not have a congregation, I cannot be a pastor, not as I understand that role. A “congregation” isn’t necessarily an “organized church” (whatever that is, other than an oxymoron); but it is a community of Jesus-followers with whom a pastor has a steady, loving, prophetic, and accountable relationship. To put it starkly and in a way with which others will certainly quibble, I can’t speak with a pastor’s voice if there isn’t a church to hear it.
So, in a way different but analogous to the way the ways I squeaked and squawked when in early adolescence, my voice is changing. I feel awkward right now, but I know that the change is inevitable. On the other side of this change, I will be freer. That greater freedom brings heightened responsibility.
How can I, should I, speak and write now? What can I, must I, say on behalf of Love and Joy, justice and mercy?
For me, those questions are all-the-more urgent because I never get very far from a keen awareness of my mortality. I’ve long worried that I would be numbered among those whom Oliver Wendell Holmes described as those who “die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out.”
I’m praying for a kind of personal Pentecost—for the Spirit to descend anew and to enable me to speak in an unknown tongue, a new voice.
Guy, this so resonates with me, and I suspect with lots of other folks. Thank you.
Thank you, Bob, for your gracious comment!
Thank you for this Guy! I’m one of your online parishioners. Your gentle clarity is something I count on.
Michelle, it’s good to hear from you and thank you so much for these gracious and generous words.
Oh, but I disagree. You most certainly DO have a congregation. It just happens to be all of us, your email contacts who thrill at the sight of each one of your thoughtfully written jewels!
I doubt I speak only for myself when admitting that I hang on every word of your timely musings. This morning, my inbox was my church and you were my pastor.
Thank you! I am grateful for your encouragement and for your reading what I have to say. It’s a gift to me.
Guy, prompted by your words, my intention is to follow your lead in "anchoring and ordering" my thoughts during this unique (I hope) moment of upheaval. The fear, anger, and hate generated on both sides have exhausted me. Thank you for your support encouragement.
Thank you for your support and encouragement, too, Nan. I hope we can all get past the exhaustion so that we can have the energy to do whatever it is we feel called, responsible, and free to do.
It would seem that we readers are now your congregation and you indeed have much to say that we need to hear. Even if you had nothing more to add to the plethora of opinions about current events, your acknowledgement of these events remind us of their importance in the fabric of our culture and society. May we all have the opportunity to live long enough to finish the songs that are our lives.
Thank you, Lin, for reading and "listening." I join you in that hope that we will all find ways to sing/play the music that is in us.
Thank you for this at a time when the "clanking gongs" are threatening the voices of Love.
Guy, per usual well-reasoned and beautifully written! Consider your on line followers your congregation. Speak your mind and heart. The threads won’t snap! Blessings!
Thank you so much, Bill, especially for your encouragement. Blessings to you, too.
Instead of looking outward for an audience, try looking inward. True change comes by changing self. May I suggest, "A Course In Miracles" and books that help with understanding ACIM. Amazon links- cut and paste in browser:
http://a.co/hgGroti A Course in Miracles
http://a.co/eNZFFko Disappearance of the Universe
I think you would love this one based on your personality. It is Jesus talking about what he really did before politicians changed the writings and encourages being a rebel now:
–> Jesus: My Autobiography by Tina Louise Spalding
Link: http://a.co/byw6CU6
I agree, John, that we can only change ourselves and then only with help. I think often of Gandhi’s summons for us "to be the change we want to see in the world."
I find that some of the words of old hymns like "Whispering Hope" or "Footsteps of Jesus" or the benediction "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Thy sight, oh God my strength and my Redeemer" bring a kind of clarity that I long for. We are surrounded by so many words as we seek to have some relief from the animosity and meanness and rendered and torn spaces between us. I find comfort in your pause, your laryngitis, as the flame of "itis" burns in your heart as a messenger. There will likely remain music inside but the music you have sparked, the comfort you have offered, the catalyst to action that you have been is in no way too little or not enough. The spaces enriched by your presence are many and the old hymn that I always think of when I think of you is "Let Others See Jesus In You".
Kay, Like you, I’ve been signing old hymns. I’ve been praying the "kyrie" a lot, too. It means so much to me for you to tell me that you think of "Let Others See Jesus in You" in relation to me. It’s such a gift for you to say so. Many, many thanks.
Fortunately or unfortunately, I seem to have found words and prayers and anxiety and peace. Your words are a spark in all of it. Be well.
Part of the old congregation but still want to hear your words.
Janet C.
Thank you, Janet, so much.
You words never fail to spur me forward. Thank you friend!
Thank you, Cyndy!
Guy, you definitely have a following out here that hangs on every word you say. I also seem to have gone stone silent among all this disarray and confusion. My only resolution this year is to keep my eyes on Jesus. I just need to stay tethered to Him in prayer listening for His Spirit to guide me and turn my thoughts continually toward Him. I agree with Kay. You have always pointed us to Jesus. Your words are an anchor for us. God Bless.
Thank you, Dianne. I love that phrase: "staying tethered to Jesus." Grace ad peace to you in these challenging times.
I CANNOT WAIT !!!!!!!!
Thank you, Karen!
Judy and I never never stopped being a part of your congregation. Never stopped listening to the ‘music’. Now, more than ever, we all need your guidance to weather the ‘poop storm’. Thanks, The Aldens
Thank you so much, Steve and Judy. I appreciate your encouragement!
Dear Guy,
The tone of your piece concerned me. I realize in these days there are times when you are seeking the strength to restore your body’s energy pre- and post-treatments. I realize you put some of that energy into working with students. Some of that energy goes into counseling others. Your writings require energy of mind and body. Please stay determined to communicate thru the internet your thoughts to help us stay focused on what God would have us do as we speak, act, and unconditionally love ourselves and then others.
Is there a way when your schedule and energy will allow, we can create a gathering once in awhile so you may see us as we hear your thoughts? That Pastoral Counseling opportunity open to the public at FBC a while ago had a great format.
Dr. Sayles — Just as you deeply blessed our congregation with your non-stop inspirational sermons as our interim preaching pastor, your words of grace and peace overflow via the internet. The messages you convey are as satisfying to the soul as discovering an oasis in a blistering desert! Every word expressed is so comforting & reassuring to my heart.
We’re ecstatic as well with your recent lab results. May Our Dear Lord continue to pour out HIs bountiful blessings as you continue to share the Great News! God bless.
Paddy Sue Gay
Thank you, Paddy Sue, so much. I’m grateful for your affirmation, support and prayers. I hope all is well with you and with the FAB family.